Welcome back to Kitty’s menopause evening class. Here she follows up on Gretchen’s story with tips and ideas to support the issues she flagged up.

‘Thank you, Gretchen,’ Kitty said as Gretchen walked back to her desk. ‘That was a great story, and the tips were amazing! I hope everyone got them written down, because even if they don’t help you, they may help someone you know.

‘You mentioned three symptoms you’d like to improve: period issues, weight gain, and mood swings.’

She consulted her notes. ‘So, for the period issues, you could try vitus agnus-castus, aka chaste tree berry extract – that helps by regulating the menstrual cycle, and in particular, it supports progesterone levels, which will also help with the mood swings. For the flooding, try yarrow or shepherd’s purse, which are recommended to reduce excessive bleeding, and can also help with cramps, if anyone suffers with those.’

‘Oh, god, I do! I’m going to Holland and Barrett tomorrow and get some of that!’ Gwen looked up. ‘How do you spell that first one, please?’

Kitty spelled it out for her. ‘I’ll put all these tips into a document for you.’

Gwen grinned. ‘Great, thank you!’

Kitty made a quick note and continued, ‘Weight gain is something I’m going to cover in future sessions, so I’ll skip that for now. But with the mood swings, I have a theory about them.

‘As I said, when we reach puberty, our hormones ramp up to prepare us for a life of having babies and raising children, right? That’s the biological fact. What this does in terms of personality – once it all settles down and the teenage rebellion has passed – is make us more sociable. If you think about the saying that it takes a village to raise a child, that’s what’s going on. We’re being prepared to make friends and find support. What that often means, unfortunately, is that we start putting others first and then we start neglecting our own needs, because there’s always something to do for someone else. Anyone relate to that?’

Eleven hands went up – only Gretchen’s was missing.

Kitty nodded. ‘That helps us make and retain friendships, and work well with colleagues, and maintain a relationship if we have one. But all the things that bug us don’t just go away. We only think they have. What’s actually happening is, every time you say yes when you wanted to say no; every time you want to do something for yourself and don’t; every time someone annoys you, upsets you, or pushes your buttons, the emotion you don’t express goes into your stress bucket.

‘By our time of life, that bucket is pretty full. And then progesterone, which is the calming hormone, takes a dive, and suddenly, that stress bucket shrinks to half its previous size.’

Someone snorted a laugh.

Kitty gave a knowing nod. ‘Right? So the stuff that’s in there suddenly spills over, and that’s when you get the anger, the sudden tears, even the crippling anxiety or depression.

‘And that’s when you suddenly start behaving like the classic menopausal woman – the rage out of nowhere over nothing very much; the wondering why you’re even bothering to get out of bed; the lump in the throat or using a whole box of tissues to get through a weepy movie.’

‘Wow!’ Gretchen was staring at her with wide eyes. ‘That actually makes total sense. You just explained to me what no-one else has managed to do, not even Dr Google!’

‘Good! As I said, this is my own theory. I’m glad it explains something for you.’

‘So what do I do about it?’

‘It’s actually similar to your tips for panic attacks.’

‘OK.’

‘In that the usual techniques don’t work, and what you need to do is invite the emotions in. You see,’ Kitty settled into teaching mode, elbows on desk, leaning forward, ‘what most people don’t realise is that all your feelings are caused by your thoughts. Feelings actually flag up what direction your thoughts are taking, and whether it’s a helpful path or a difficult one. If the feelings you’re having are nice, you’re thinking nice thoughts. If you’re feeling low, angry, anxious, depressed etc, that’s also because of your thoughts, even if they’re ones you’re not aware of.

‘So changing your thoughts is the obvious solution. But it’s not as easy as that. You’re having these thoughts because of an unresolved issue or issues. They’re causing you pain to flag up something that needs healing, just like physical pain.

‘And what most people who’ve spent their lives running away from or ignoring emotional pain don’t realise is that, when you turn around and face the issues, you can tackle them one at a time, instead of having them gang up and hit you all at once. Which makes them easier to deal with.

‘Also, they are there to tell you something, and if they don’t get that message across, they’ll keep trying to tell you. Think of them like a small child in the supermarket, tugging on Mum’s arm or repeatedly calling to her. If that child doesn’t get a response, their behaviour will escalate, and your feelings are the same, especially in menopause. When they’ve got your attention, they can deliver their message and stop bugging you.

‘So, the first thing to do is acknowledge them. We’ll be covering emotions in a later session, so I won’t go into too much detail, but just acknowledging them and validating them – just something like “I hear you”, or “i get it” – will calm them down in a moment. Then thank them for their message and sit with the feeling until it subsides. It’ll do that quite quickly if you don’t follow the train of thought that got you there,  so I recommend doing that if you can. Maybe put on some music that echoes the feeling, if you can – I often find that helps with catharsis.’

‘Cath-what?’

Kitty didn’t see where the question came from, so she addressed her reply to the whole class.

‘Catharsis. It’s when something brings up old emotional wounds so you find a way to release them. There’s a lot of options – journalling on the subject, listening to music that helps you express the feeling, talking to a trusted friend who just lets you talk and doesn’t try to fix it, and many others.’

‘OK, got it. Thank you.’ Was that Carol? Kitty wasn’t sure.

‘So, as I said, we’ll cover this in greater depth in a later lesson, but I hope that helps for now.’

‘That’s great, thanks, Teach!’ Gretchen was still writing and barely glanced up at Kitty, but that was OK.

‘Fantastic! So, back to the main subject of this lesson – positive statements and motivation.’