Welcome back to the next instalment of Kitty’s menopause coaching class. I hope you’ve found it interesting so far – it’s about to get even more so! Here come some tips for dealing with symptoms, delivered in the inimitable Scottish growl of Gretchen.

‘Right, get your notebooks ready, because I have some tips for you. Kitty’s right – I don’t have all the answers, but I do have some of them, and I’m happy to share.

‘I’m 53 now, OK, and I’m still having periods, worse luck! They can be anything from a few spots and nothing more to a full-on flood, where I have to change my tampon every hour. That gets exhausting, I can tell you! It’s not the only thing that wakes me up at night, but it’s one of them. And they happen when they want to, not when they’re due. I can go two days or ten weeks between.

‘I started having menopause symptoms about five years ago. What I first noticed was the night sweats – although, when I told my best friend I thought I was starting it, she gave me this knowing look and said, “menopause? You don’t say!”’

The class laughed, Gretchen joining in heartily. ‘OK, right? She reckoned I’d been getting more moody at certain times of the month for a year or more. I hadn’t even noticed, so it was good to talk to someone about it that knew me well and could tell me that.

‘So, that’s my first tip, OK? Talk to someone who knows you well. Tell ‘em the symptoms you’ve noticed and ask what else they’ve seen. Knowledge is power, ladies! The more you know about yourself, the more you can do something about it.’

Kitty nodded in agreement, while the other students scribbled in their notebooks.

‘Well, she recommended Evening Primrose Oil for the night sweats, and that’s my second tip. 1000 milligrams every single day. I take mine in the evening after my dinner, but I don’t know if there’s a better time to take it?’ She gave Kitty an enquiring look.

Kitty nodded. ‘Actually, after your evening meal is the best time for EPO. It’s fat-soluble, so it’ll work best on a full stomach. It can take a few weeks for the effects to show, so don’t take it once, find there’s no result, and decide it doesn’t work. You can take it in two doses if you prefer, morning and evening, but always have it with food.’ 

The students wrote in their notebooks again.

Gretchen gave her a thumb’s up. ‘Thank you, teach. OK, so, my night sweats got better, but then … well, something else happened that I totally didn’t expect.

‘You may have noticed I’m quite a confident person.’ The students giggled and Kitty hid a smile behind her hand. Gretchen grinned. ‘Abrasive, is what the Principal calls me – on a good day! I teach construction skills, and I do NOT get on with the Principal. And menopause is not helping with that! Anyway, I was sitting in a staff meeting one morning and the weirdest things started happening to me. My heart started racing, my palms were sweating, I was breathing heavily. I wanted nothing more than to run out of that room and never come back.

‘Now, that’s so not like me, OK? For the first time in my menopause journey, I was actually scared. What is this? A heart attack? My lips were tingling, I was sweating, I could feel my face burning. I was gripping the chair-arms for grim death! I made myself let go, got up and mumbled some excuse, and rushed off to the bathroom.

‘A colleague found me there ten minutes later. I was propped on my knuckles in front of the sink, dripping water where I’d been splashing my red-hot face.’

‘“Are you OK?” she asked.

‘I nearly told her what a stupid question that was, but she was looking so concerned, I tried to make light of it instead.

‘“Just a power moment.”’

‘She raised an eyebrow like she didn’t believe me.’

‘I gave her a sickly smile and said it was menopause.

“’Ah, right!’ She nodded as if that explained everything – which maybe it did to her.  I was seriously worried, but I did wonder if perhaps it was just menopause. So I went and looked up the symptoms. Phoo!’ Gretchen blew an upwards breath that stirred her purple fringe.

‘Oh, my Lord! I had no idea of all the symptoms you can suffer during peri-menopause! Sinus issues, tinnitus, brain fog , joint pain, digestive issues – the list seems endless! And the sudden crushing emotions! I almost dismissed the idea of panic attacks and anxiety causing my symptoms, but just as I went to close the page, I thought, “could that be what’d happened to me in that meeting?” So I read on.’

She sighed. ‘Ladies, I think it was, OK. Can you imagine? Me, confidence personified, suffering a panic attack? What in the world …?

‘So, I Googled how to cure panic attacks. There was a load of waffle about deep breaths and all that. Then I found a fabulous YouTube video*. And the girl was talking about some bloke who’d applied her cure to his flying phobia. 

‘Take notes! This is what he did. To start with, he wrote down his panic stories. The lies his brain was telling him when he was panicking. It could be about the thing you’re panicking about, or it could be about the symptoms of the panic attack – the “what-ifs”, like, am I having a heart attack; am I going to die, OK? 

‘So you write down the trigger, the symptoms, and all the thoughts or stories you’re telling yourself about them. What you then don’t do is try to calm down or tell yourself you’re being silly.

‘So, first you have to recognise these stories and realise they aren’t necessarily true. When the symptoms start and the thoughts come with it, notice which of your stories is showing up. Is it Number 1, Number 2 or Number 3?

‘So he wrote his list and, during his next flight, every time he felt the fear rising, he would identify which story it was, and then he’d do the next bit. 

‘He’d close his eyes and challenge the fear to do its worst.’

Gretchen crouched into a threatening stance, beckoning with both hands and drumming her feet on the floor. ‘Come on, bring it! I can handle YOU!’ She straightened and grinned. ‘And the panic attack never happened. When he got off the plane, he realised he hadn’t had a single panic attack the whole flight – which had never happened before. And he’s flown many times since, and the fear just didn’t bother showing up!’

‘So, that’s my third tip. If you get fear, anxiety, depression, or any other of those buggers showing up, tell ‘em to bring it on. Because here’s the thing – what that does, this woman says, is tell your brain you can cope with this. That it’s not a threat. You’re not in danger. You’re acting so sure you can handle it, your brain goes, “oh, it’s OK then”, and stops hassling you. I never had a panic attack again after that.’

‘Oh, that’s so good to know!’ Dolly raised moistened eyes from her notebook, then reddened as everyone turned to look at her. ‘I mean, I’ve had panic attacks most of my life, and no-one ever told me that technique before! I’ll definitely try it. Thank you, Gretchen.’

Gretchen grinned. ‘It’s my pleasure! I look forward to hearing they’ve disappeared.’

Dolly gave her a shy smile.

‘Anyway, so, the symptoms I’m left with are the erratic periods and flooding, the weight gain you mentioned, Kitty, and the fact that even for me, my mouth runs away before my brain kicks into gear. I’m going to lose my job over it one day! I cannot keep it buttoned. I get angry like never before. And weepy! I can’t watch a sad movie any more – I’d get through a whole box of tissues!

She turned to Kitty. ‘Teach, what can I do about that? It’s driving me insane – and not just me, either.’

* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=of6xObz3aK4 from Therapy in a Nutshell